Sunday, 21 March 2010

The Poetry Bus/Protest Bandwagon

Yes, it's pome time again, and this week, TotalFeckinEejit has set us the task of creating a protest pome about anything that gets our goat and makes us mad.

He wanted bile, he wanted vitriol, passion, blood, sweat and tears. What he's getting is this cheesy song because, while I can whinge with the best of them, I could not no how create a proper pome this week.  If you want to hear what it sounds like, scroll down to song no 6 in my ReverbNation widget over there on the right and hit PLAY.

These Are the Things

Tell me now, Doctor, how long have you got?
Will you feel my bumps, shall I stare at a blot?
Shall I answer your questions, choose A, B or C?
No, I’ll tell you, Doctor, what’s eating at me.

The day started badly, I was under a cloud.
When the kid on the bus played his iPod too loud.
Now that makes me angry, and that makes me mad.
So I knotted his headphones and I strangled the lad.

These are the things that get me.
These are the things that make me mad.
These are the things that upset me.
These are the things that make good people bad.

“Shazza 4 Bazzer” it said on the wall.
"Man U 4 Eva” in illiterate scrawl.
So I got me a spray-can and haunted the place.
The next kid that scribbled got my tag on his face.

There were turds on the pavement, for unwary feet.
The carpet’s fair ruined with the shit off the street.
I know where that dog lives – and his owner will know.
That I fed the beast Ex-lax, now look at him go! (and go, and go)

And then in the workplace, I cringe all day long.
It's a buzzword bonanza and I think that it's wrong.
It was "leverage this" it was "synergise that"
Till I shifted their paradigms with my baseball bat.

So please tell me, Doctor, now you've heard my tale.
Should I be in the nuthouse or languish in jail.
See, I think I'm normal and I'd do it again.
It's the rational response to a world gone insane.

P.S  I'm not intending to make a habit of doing songs  - it is the Poetry Bus after all, not the Music Bus, that's a different one altogether.


  1. I liked this one a LOT! I might not have the courage to do any of these things, but I sure think about them from time to time!

  2. 'Till I shifted their paradigms with my baseball bat.'

    Is that a line, or is that a line!These are the things make good people bad has a kind of subtly profound truth in it.

    A great song/poem type thing , beautifully sung.
    Songs more than welcome on the bus!!

  3. Good one! Beautiful bile!

    I've thought of doing a song for the bus in the past and never got round to it. It's great that one of us does.

  4. I loved your song. The paradigm/baseball bat line was just brilliant. New to the bus and curious about others, that's me.

  5. please come round and deal with our local dog owners:-)
    great poem
    thanks for sharing

  6. I've done songs for Monday poems before...the distinction is not always that clear.

    This is angry and mean...and yet funny and sweet. A clever mix.

  7. I can relate to all of them! And put together in an effortless way.

  8. Great song/pome - love the line about the dog, and buzzword bonanza is such a great phrase.

  9. he he.. another song.. excellentee!... is there a difference between poetry and song?.. methinks not! (except for the instruments).. (arguement for another day preapps).

    Love this... a lot! Mind you, living up a mountain you don't get much of this, but I can imagine it is really fecking annoying! :-)

  10. The song helped put the music in my head while I read it. Good song.

  11. This is brilliant, witty and fun. Enjoyed it very much.

  12. very good indeed, funny and I totally agree that you are as sane as you'll ever be and should be allowed to go round massacring all those people, young and old, who spread their crap without thought for others.

  13. Really liked this - and it rings so true! It's always the small things that mount up and mount up until you want to scream. Or shoot someone.
    I laughed a lot too.
    Reminded me of that film with Michael Douglas. Not the one with the rabbit in it.

  14. @Bug - I don't have the courage to carry out these revenges either, but I do dream...

    @TFE - Thank you! Yes that is a line and glad songs are not banned from da bus.

    @Bill - If you write songs, I'd love to hear them and thanks for the kind words.

    @Enchanted Oak - Glad you popped by and enjoyed. Love the name, BTW.

    @CrazyFieldMouse - I'd love to come and deal with your dog-owners but I'm a great big coward, which is why I write things like this instead of actually doing anything.

    @Rachel - I was genuinely trying to do a 'proper' poem but this thing just busted its way out.

    @Peter Goulding - Thanks, Peter, much appreciated.

    @Pure Fiction - It really is a buzzword bonanza at our place and I hate it!

    @Watercats - I wish I lived up a mountain away from graffitti and dog-poo and whatnot. Mind you, I bet you've your own set of pet gripes even there.

    @Connieemeraldeyes - Glad you enjoyed!

    @Niamh - Thank you too. This was a really great prompt I think.

    @Friko - Thanks, it was a bit cruel to think of feeding x-lax to a dog (especially when they can't have chololate). It should have been the owner that got it!

    @Titus - I'm glad someone spotted the Michael Douglas thing. It was going through my head as I wrote it!

    Thanks to everyone for stopping by!

  15. I also read Harold but for some or other reason I cannot leave a comment. Please visit me down here in good old ZA for I have something for you on my blog.

  16. Excellent pome-song, Argent. Quite a laugh, and we all know exactly precisely what you mean and you deserve a medal for getting back at 'em!

  17. see this is why i love your voice - on one level you sound like you should be singing about angels and mountains and higher things, yet you're equally at home with bawdy ditties about how Hedgehogs are very fortunate creatures - loved the recording!

  18. @Human - Thanks for letting me know about the comments not working - I was thinking noone had been by. Thanks for the award thingy - will get round to dealing with it.

    @Nanu - Thanks - if only I had done those things instead of thinking about and fuming silently.

    @DFTP - haha! The Hedgehog Song, is it? Well, let's see....

  19. I don't know how I missed this one, Argent. This is so much fun! I laughed out loud at the paradigm shift. This is my last protest poem and it's the way to go out!


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