Tuesday, 13 December 2011

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Day One

To: customer_service@replicon.com
Date: 13th December 2023
Subject:  Replicator fault

Dear Sir

I purchased a Replicon 2000 a few weeks ago and, up until now, it has given faultless service, replicating everything I’ve asked of it, perfectly.

This morning, however, I came downstairs to find that it had replicated a large fruit-bearing tree and a small member of the phasianidae family which my home KnowledgeBase has classified as perdix perdix or, more commonly, a grey partridge.  No one in the house was up before me and these items were certainly not there when I went to bed last night!

I can remove the partridge with little difficulty – the local Animal Rescue group has agreed to take it off my hands.  The pear tree however, is another matter, and the local landscaping contractor has quoted me a bill of 500 credits plus tax to cut it up and remove it.

I demand an explanation and you should be advised that I will be sending the landscaper’s bill to your company.

Yours truly

Edward Meeks

To: e_meeks@freenet.com
Date: 13th December 2023
Subject:  Re: Replicator fault

Dear Mr Meeks

We are sorry to hear that you have been having problems with the Replicon 2000.  We have over a million of these units in service and have not received any other complaints of unsolicited replicating.  However, as a gesture of goodwill on our part, we are willing to pay the bill for the removal of the pear tree on this occasion.

You should ensure that the software for the Replicon 2000 is up-to-date.  You can do this by visiting our website at www.replicon.com/support, where you can download the latest patches.

Yours truly

Gerard Cochrane
Service Manager


  1. he he - you should do the maths on the presents - with that amount of guano you could go into business

  2. Hehe, I actually started writing this in 2001. Every year since then, I've meant to finish and post it. This year, I've finally remembered to do it in time. I'm told the real 12 days starts with Christmas day but I couldn't wait.

  3. This is brilliant! Looking forward the the rest!

  4. I love it! This is going to be a lot of fun :)

  5. Thanks Eva and Bug - hope it lives up to your expectations!

  6. Brilliant! Bated breath here too.


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