Sunday, 28 February 2010

The Poetry Bus/Ferry Across the Styx

This week, TFE has come all over metaphysical and has asked is to write about Heaven, Hell, the hereafter and all suchlike stuff and the challenge can be found here.

I thought I'd have tons of ideas for this but when it came down to it, they all died, which may be symbolic of something or other - or else it just means I'm nowhere as prolific as I think I am.

Anyways, here's this:

Death's Ditty

Here they come, the human race
Some with rancour, some wih grace.
Running, falling, stting still.
Some with fever, some with chill.
Some are young and some are old.
Some are fearful, some are bold.
Some have died and some were killed
Some come peaceful, some are spilled.
Some are stoned, and some are burned
I am death, and unconcerned.
Some come gladly, some don’t dare
But I am death. I do not care.

And this old song that I wrote ages ago (imagine it sung to the most cheesily awful country 'n western toon imaginable).  It has occurred to me that most of us will be dammned for the petty little sins we did, rather than the great big ones like murder, armed robbery and the like, so....

I'm Not going to Heaven
Some people give to charity
Some people help the poor.
Some people murder children
Or start an illegal war.
There’s a place in heaven waiting
For all the holy saints.
And another destination
For those with no restraint.

I’m not going to heaven
I’m not bound for paradise
Cos while I’m not exactly evil
I ain’t exactly nice
I’m not going to heaven
For me it’s just too late
There’s a great big sign that says KEEP OUT!
Hanging on the Pearly Gates

I hung on to my last Rolo
I need my chocolate fix.
I told my friend what happens at the end
When he was queuing for the flicks.
My neighbour loves whodunits
He’s gonna fly into a rage.
He crossed me once and now his books
Are missing their last page.

Do as you’d be done by
The bible loves to teach.
But I used up all the loo-roll
And left the new ones out of reach.
I often squeeze the toothpaste
In the middle, not the end.
I play my drums in the middle of the night
To drive people round the bend.

So while I never killed a man
Or robbed somebody blind.
There won’t be any statues
For the good I’ve left behind.
What happens when I pass away
Only time will tell.
Cos I’m too bad for heaven
And I’m too good for hell!


  1. Love it, love it, love it (the I'm Not Going To Heaven one).

  2. Briiliant song some real funny lines and a killer chorus. And yes tis the little things that get us into heaven or send us unto hell.Should either exist.

  3. I like the end section of the first one (last 4 lines). It's creepy but amusing.

    And the song is fab. Could be a huge crowd-pleaser (and I mean that as a compliment, obviously!).


  4. Have to echo Rachel there - the first is very very good - especially the end of it, and the second is a laugh out loud kinda thing, would love to see it on youtube or some such!

  5. fabulous!... I love em both!... You've got to get the song up :-)
    if that's what you churn out when you're not on form well!... pah!.. :-)

  6. I love them both - but that last one's a killer! It IS a country song!

  7. I'm plumping for the country western song - funny and clever.
    I keep on thinking of that song 'Oh lord will you buy me, a colour tv'.

  8. I am death and unconcerned. How true and shivery after Haiti and the deaths in Chile

  9. Very nice. I even sang a few bars of the song just to annoy the cat.

  10. I like Death's Ditty, with all of us, no matter what or how, ending up in the same place. Brava!

  11. I loved Death's Ditty - the lack of concern and care just finishes it off (if you'll pardon the pun) beautifully.

  12. I’m too bad for heaven
    And I’m too good for hell


  13. i beamed with the whole of my face when I saw INGTH up here - still one that i secretly practice at home when i'm feeling a bit down

    Y'all out there will have to imagine the crowd participation "KEEP OUT!" - a crowd pleaser and no mistake

    And i LOVED the new poem too xx

  14. Yes, I'm for Death's Ditty too. Possibly capitalise "Death" in the last four lines???
    Love the idea of this most terrifying entity humming a ditty...

  15. I liked the first, and did the jump when I got to "I am death, and unconcerned". Like the personification.

    The song's a goddamn Country and Western Riot!

  16. Many thanks to all who visited and I'm working on getting a recording of thw song together for your listening 'pleasure'.

    @Josephine - Thanks, thanks, thanks!

    @TFE - Should either exist indeed. I don't know about you but it's the petty little things I'd be most ashamed of.

    @Rachel - The song is meant to have audience-participation in the chorus. Maybe we'll try it out in a few weeks at the open mic.

    @Niamh B - Maybe one day on YouTube. I'm thinking of doing a sock puppet video of it.

    @Watercats - I recorded the song tonight but my voice if all messed up from too much dinner so will re-do the vocal properly tomorrow and then post it.

    @Karen - I originally had the idea of the song as a folk song but it just went all country on me.

    @Pure Fiction - You're in exactly the right ball park with that song.

    @Emerging Writer - I hadn't thought of Haiti or Chile but you're right.

    @Viewtiful_Justine - Aw, you're so mean to your kitty :-)

    @P Nolan - Thanks!

    @Nanu - I like Death's Ditty myself but it seems inciomplete somehow.

    @Poetikat - Pun excused completely!

    @Willow - Why, thank you.

    @DFTP - Glad it cheers you up. We'll have to perform it together in public one day.

    @Peter Goulding - Good idea about capitalising Death. not sure what the tune would be him to him though.

    @Titus - Thank you. Gonna have to work on my accent. I did a guide vocal for it tonight and it sounded far to english.

  17. I loved both of these! I might have to try this poetry bus sometime - but I can't read you or Willow first or I'll get scared off :)

  18. Amazing how much fun we can have with such a potentially grisly subject! Your song reminded me of a cartoon I saw once: some poor bod is being judged by a bloke in a suit standing at a lectern, in a cloud. The bloke at the lectern is saying "It says here that in April 1983 you used a copy of the Good News Bible as a coaster..."

  19. Ok, everybodypeeps, the recording of the song is on my blog now (and many thanks to Don't Feed the Pixies for performing it with me - he's doing the guitar for this version). You can view the result here.


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