All aboard TFE's Lurve Poerty Bus!
I'd like to catch the moon for you, and place it in your hand
But its mass makes it unwieldy and too dangerous to land.
If it were in my power, Love, I would fetch the twinkling stars
But they're balls of flaming hydrogen, and just might leave a scar.
I wish that our two hearts could join and then could beat as one.
But the Docs won't do the surgery, they say it can't be done.
I'd say your lips were roses, your kisses taste like wine
But that's a false perception, a neurological warning sign.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? It's vague and imprecise!
A Polar daytime lasts six months and is filled with snow and ice.
Until the 12th of never, dear, I would gladly pledge my heart.
But the universe, expanding, is driving us apart.
The greatest minds, the brightest brains, cannot make sense of this
There's no objective measure for the meaning of a kiss.
There are some things, like love, it seems, we are not meant to measure.
But you are still my Valentine, my unquantifiable treasure.
See - you don't need a card now.
ReplyDelete'Unwieldy' is such a lovely word.
x
What a super Valentine poem - I'm sure it will be appreciated. Thanks for the kind comment you left on my blog. I don't know how I dare take part in TFE's poetry challenges/exercises - I'm no writer, but something made me write the first one and now I feel I must keep going.
ReplyDeleteIt is so vague and imprecise all right. I hope your unquantifiable love agreed and appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI lurve it!
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you brought everything down to earth with the reality of the idiom. Excellent!
ReplyDeleteUnquantifiable treasure is a keeper. I might use that on my next card!
Kat
Love the rhythm and humour and the scientific aspect...clever and romantic all in one! Brava!
ReplyDeleteLove this argent - reminds me a bit of this :
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KynIKjRwqDI
happy v day
ahhh.. this is just fantastic!... I love, love, love it!.. you can tell the sci-fi junkies a mile away can't you! :-)
ReplyDelete"my unquantifiable treasure"
ReplyDeleteLove that.
Oh, I laughed at this! I loved the beautiful images brought straight down to earth - with rhyme! - and I particularly liked the "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" put down.
ReplyDeleteAnd agree with the above - lovely ending with "unquantifiable treasure."
I like the way you managed to carry the rhyme all the way through without actually getting bogged down by it - and the whole scientific approach is funny and clever.
ReplyDeleteThanks to everyone who paid a visit!
ReplyDelete@Rachel - You are right, no card needed now. Also, I cooked for him so I reckons we're even.
@Heather - Thank you and you're perfectly qualified to be a passenger on da bus so keep showing up at that stop!
@Emerging Writer - The "unquantifiable treasure" did indeed approve and enjoy.
@Bug - Thanks!
@Poetikat - Thanks and help yourself.
@Liz - I actually wrote this a while back for a competition. It didn't win as was not slushy enough.
@Niamh B - Tim Minchin is very funny and witty. Thanks for the clippet.
@Watercats - SciFi junkie through and through!
@Willow - Thanks!
@Titus - And thank you too!
@Pure Fiction - And thank you three!
The scientific debunking the metaphysical is a great device here, accentuated by the rhythm and rhyme, reminiscent of the traditional love poetry this mocks. Very creative and a fun valentine!
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI love this one!!!!! So great.
ReplyDeleteThis is very very good.Love the reference to Johnny Mathis and use of the rhyming couplets!
ReplyDeleteOh Argent, this is so beautiful. With your permission I would like to post it on my Wordpress blog and of course I will give you the credit for it. I just think it is too good not to be shared with others. Please let me know in a comment or on my E-mail (ms.ajoli4@gmail.com).
ReplyDelete@Karen - Wow! what a lovely erudite analysis! Thanks!
ReplyDelete@Connie - Thank you!
@Viewtiful_Justin - Glad you enjoyed it!
@Rallentanda - The Johnny Mathis reference was completely unconsious but I see what you mean now.
@Human - You're too kind - and you're very welcome to share it with you other friends. Are you going to translate it into Afrikaans?
I love the intertwining of fantasy and reality here, Argent. Merci!
ReplyDeleteFunny and sweet and scientific and entertaining and I've lost your address and was wundrin could ye put it in me cooments box again? Ooops!
ReplyDeleteWho said, romance was dead.
ReplyDeletewell, if it wasn't you've killed it now, what with science and all. . . . .
@Friko - Hehe, it was a mercy killing. Romance has been suffering for a long time now from surfeits of chocolates and dreary, diabetes-inducing cards, teddy bears and whatnot. It was the kindest thing to do.
ReplyDelete