As I gaze out of the seventh floor window here at Throwback Towers, I can see herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the vast plains of Sainsbury's car park.
The boss comes in, he's covered in scratches and his clothes in tatters.
"What happened to you," I ask.
"Bloody lions," he grumbles, "it's about time the council did something, the Municipal park pride are getting bolder by the day. They nearly had me today!"
"Well you will insist on cycling to work through their territory." I tell him.
"But it's green to cycle!" he protests. Very big on green is my boss.
"From where I'm standing," I quip, " it looks more like red, black and blue!" He is not impressed, so I put the kettle on to cheer him up.
"Anyway," he continues, "the ring road was chock-a-block: some pillock knocked over a zebra at junction six."
"Yeah, I heard it on the news. Mind you, they have managed to get rid of those hippos that had moved into the ornamental lake at long last, so that's good."
We sip our tea thoughtfully, the silence only broken by the scream of angry baboons fighting over the bins at the back of MacDonald's.
None of this is true, of course. There aren't any giraffes either, which is a pity as I quite like them.
Some local bright spark has, however, come up with the idea of re-opening a nearby pub (formerly the haunt of bikers and drug-pushers, when it wasn't being set on fire) as, wait for it, an African-themed pub.
Now, we weren't sure what that would entail, but the advertising specifically said, and I quote: "Customers can have the full experience of Africa without the trouble of going there."
Peering through the window of the afore-mentioned pub the other day, my boss was not able to discern anything especially African about the place - no Zulu spears and shields on the wall, no witch-doctor masks, no fake zebra skins.
There was a menu consisting of just two African-sounding dishes, and they apparently serve that most African of beverages: Guinness.
So it would seem that Africa is just like a run-down manky old pub next to the railway station in a dodgy part of a post-industrial English city.
It's a good job I was able to get my money back on those Kenyan Safari tickets then.
I wonder if anybody will open a space-themed pub, I've always fancied going to space, but it seems like a lot of bother.