Tuesday, 15 March 2011

A New Home in the Sky - Stand and Deliver

A new job drops into the Klueless Support inbox.

"User is reporting receipt of files containing unwanted data".

I do a little bit of digging around and, sure enough, a data feed we send out each day has some spurious data in it when there should have been none, and has been doing this for a couple of days now.

I check the code and notice a bug, which is quickly fixed.

Well, I think to myself, that’s an easy one.  Now, I’ll just email the users and tell them to discard the two files they received in error and the job’s a good ‘un, as we say.

“What are you working on at the moment,” asks the boss, wandering over.

“I’m just going to tell Sea-Mist that they can junk the files we sent them and that we’ve fixed the code so it won’t happen again.”

“Are you going to re-send the files?” he asks.

“No,” I reply, carefully, “I wasn’t actually planning to send them two completely empty text files as replacements, no.”

“I think you should send them the files.” He says.

“But they’ve got no data in them! It would be pointless!” I protest.

“Send them anyway,” he says. “That way, they’ll know we’ve delivered.”

If ever there was a word in the English language that has been abused, it’s the word ‘deliver’. Nothing is ever produced, only delivered. Nothing is sent, it’s delivered. The only thing that isn’t delivered, it seems, is my post of a morning (but that’s another story).

I sigh, fire up notepad, create 2 completely empty text files, name them appropriately and attach them to an email.

Having performed a Random Act of Management, the boss wanders off.

“I’ll send them,” I yell at his departing back, “But I’m sure as hell not encrypting them!”

"Whatever," he says, without even looking round.

Now I cannot let this pass.  Before long we'll be deluged with pointless and unfulfilling tasks - more pointless and unfulfilling tasks, I should say.

A bit later, I go over to his desk and plonk his mug down upon it.

“What’s this?” he says.

“Your tea.” I reply. He peers into the mug.

“But there’s nothing in it,”

I smile.

“Remember that cup of tea I made you the other day that you said you didn’t want…..?”

I haz a sarcasm.


  1. he he!

    I think you should have encoded the empty file for comedy value.

  2. my god! It's been so long since I last called round! I've missed so much gorgeous stuff! I am extremely envious of your never ending talent.. what's with the amazing cartoonage now, fecking ACENESS! had a good chortle listening to 'O' miss chapman too', love it's blackadder feme toon nod and the school assembly feelings.. there's loads of other stuff I should be saying, but I'm too aghasted by all the great things. Hope all's well in argent-ville. cheers!

  3. A joy to read, if not endure.

  4. DFTP - Actually I very nearly did encrypt the file, but I was racked off with the whole thing anyway. Sea-Mist has been a real pain in the fundament lately.

    Watercats - Cheers for the great comment, it's nice to have ye back amongst us once more!

    Titus - It was annoying but, to be honest, there are much worse things going on the world that having to send a pack of nothing via email.

  5. LOLOL - that's funny. My boss is always trying to find busy work for me to do. Can't he see I'm just fine reading blogs all day & fitting in the occasional letter to type? Heh.


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