The other day, my boss gave me some home-grown pears. Now these were perfectly ripe so I could eat and enjoy them right away. They were delicious.
What IS it with supermarket pears? They are never at the correct ripeness for eating! You buy them all chilly from Tesco's or wherever and it says on the pack "ripen at home". Yeah, right! In about a billion years maybe.
Or maybe not, because you see, supermarket pears have this kind of programmed obsolescence built into them (by the same evil geniuses that brought you un-openable CD packaging and Pot Noodles, no doubt). What happens is that you have precisely 3 seconds of perfect ripeness in which to enjoy your pear but, and here's the kicker, that three second window will open and close again at about twenty-two minutes past three in the morning while you're fast asleep.
You'll miss that perfect bite into sweetness because you were foolishly sleeping and you'll get up the next day and the pears will have been transmogrified into inedible mush, fit only for the bin or the compost heap.
It's no good sitting up and watching the pears either. It seems there is some kind of Heisenberg-Quantum-Observer effect where the action of observing the pears just stops them ripening. I know, I've tried.
Could there be a more maddeningly frustrating fruit on the planet than supermarket pears?