Friday, 6 July 2012

A New Home in the Sky - Nowt as Queer as Folk

My boss and I have many things in common: same number of legs (two, in case you were worried); we went to the same school/terror training camp, and we both enjoy eating our breakfast granola dry Рno milk, no cream, no cr̬me fraiche, no yoghurt nor any other dairy-based contaminant.

This fact in itself is not hugely important, but I needed something to start this entry off with, right?

Anyway, the other day, we just are about to tuck in when we discover ourselves to be spoonless.  I duly volunteer to rectify the situation by means of a quick raid on the staff kitchen.

“Don’t get any of the spoons with the blue handles,” says the Boss.

I should have been a bit suspicious at this point, but OK, no spoon with a blue handle it is.  He’s da Boss, after all.

Trouble is, I’m totally colour-blind, so I have no idea which of our many and delightfully diverse collection of Spoons Through the Ages have blue handles.  So, upon arriving at the kitchen (which has a pool table in it, incidentally) I cleverly decide to duck the issue by bringing back an all-metal spoon.  No colour means no BLUE colour, right?  

Damn, I'm so sharp it's a wonder I don't cut myself!

I sashay back to the office, smugly bearing a couple of metal spoons as if they are some kind of breakfast-y Olympic Torch.

Pride goeth before a fall…

Boss looks at the proffered utensil and shakes his head.

“But it’s definitely not got a blue handle,” I protest, “You said no blue handle, this has… no blue handle.”  I wave it about a bit for emphasis.

“Yeah,” he sighs, “But I have this phobia about all-metal cutlery.”

You see what I have to put up with?


  1. You were too considerate. I would have got him a pair of chopsticks.

  2. I think I would have told him to get his own damned spoon!

  3. LOL - I like the idea of giving him some chopsticks :)

  4. sometimes you just can't win. Good posting though

  5. I'm not overkeen on putting milk on cereals either. Sometimes I put orange juice on instead.

    I quite like raw, dry porridge oats, too.

  6. That bastard. You should've thrown the spoons at his head and then ran.

  7. Why am I reminded of this?

  8. I'll definitely get chopsticks next time. Dominic, is that Pass the Spoon opera a real thing? Bizarro! To be fair, the boss, for all his quirks, is actually the best I ever had and is a good friend, too.


Without your comments, I am but a wave without a shore...