This is a wizard wheeze where you may nominate a co-worker for some outstanding bit of work, for being extra helpful or for just not screwing up too much this month.
You log into the special dedicated Applause portal and make your nomination, which has to be tied in with one of the company’s core values (leadership, customer service, adding value, ass-kissing, etc.) and you have to write a citation, explaining just why you think Nerdy Unix Guy or Ugly But Surprisingly Competent Incident Manager should receive an award.
You must be as specific as possible.
You must give dates, times, projects, client names, etc.
You have 140 characters.
Now, if by some superhuman act of précis (and text-speak is frowned upon) you manage to convey a flavour of your colleague’s incandescent brilliance, a committee of managers will scrutinise your effort and decide if it has merit.
Pulling a dirty great sword out of a stone? Easy-peasy!
Solving the riddle of perpetual motion? Pah!
Explaining why 'I’m a Celebrity' is still on our TV screens? OK, I’ll give you that one, that's inexplicable.
Persuading a group of people whose prime motivation is to keep costs down to give something away for free? Now, that’s hard!
If, by any chance, your Paen to That Guy in Networks should be found worthy, the nominated co-worker will receive a number of Applause points.
Applause points can be spent on things e.g. 10,000 points will get you a paperclip or some such, 20,000 will get you a pen, that kind of thing.
You have to get tons of these points to get anything truly worthwhile.
What’s a typical award, I hear you ask?
You’d probably have to work for the company for a hundred years (and kiss a LOT of bottom) to amass a decent numberof points – by which time, the scheme will almost certainly have been discontinued.
But never mind, even if you can’t manage to squeeze a few measly points out of the system, you can always send your beloved co-worker an Applause e-card instead!
Yes, that’ll make them feel loved – after all, it’s not about the money, is it?
You can choose from a range of e-cards bearing anodyne and instantly forgettable images of implausibly attractive office workers laughing gaily into each other’s faces as they give presentations, or work on their computers. You may personalise it with a message of your own (you can use more than 140 characters for this if you like, it's not like it will cost anything).
By the way, it has been decided that there are to be no salary reviews this financial year.
Feel the love.