Tuesday, 12 October 2010

A New Home in the Sky - Therapy, Schmerapy

It's a grey and cloudy day here at Throwback Towers and one of the Klueless Decision Support systems has just gone down in flames. The phone is ringing and the Company instant messaging system has gone into some kind of meltdown with all the yelps and screams of anguished, would-be system users.

Just another day at the office then.

My manager is sitting at his desk, staring serenely at half a walnut cradled in his hands.

"Er, what ya doing?" I ask, "only, Klueless is down and the users are going mental."

He tears himself away from his contemplation of Jupiter's Acorn.

"It's a relaxation technique," he tells me.  "you get a walnut and study it - really study it for at least five minutes, focusing on nothing but the look and the texture.  After that, you put it on your tongue and move it around for five minutes without chewing it to get all the different flavours and tactile sensations.  It's really good for stress."

He pops it into his mouth.  "Shee?"

I fold my arms and allow a look of scepticism to amble across my face.

"You did hear me say that Klueless is down, didn't you?"

He nods.

"And you do know that they've raised a P1 against us?"

He nods.

I pick a spare walnut up off his desk.

"Good for stress, huh?"

He nods a third time.

I turn the little brown brain-looking thing in my hands for a moment or two, then toss it back onto the table.


As if there aren't enough of them around here already.


  1. LOL - any trick to find peace in a storm... I have a freezer full of pecans - wonder if they work as well as walnuts? :)

  2. Walnuts always remind me of brains.

  3. Bug - They probably would. Mmmm, pecans!

    ER - Groan!

    Dominic - All the people I've spoken to recently about walnuts have said the same thing: little brains.

    Titus - Cheers!

  4. Very funny. Great little exchange.
    It could so easily be true!

  5. Friko - It IS true! My boss really did show me this meditation with a walnut. All New Home in the Sky posts are based on what actually happens where I work!

  6. Hm. Never tried meditating with walnuts. With two in my hand I can crack one, though. Rather the opposite of being zen!

    Where is the Poetry Bus taking us this weekend?


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