Saturday, 11 July 2009

Too Much TV

I really must stop watching so much TV.

For a start, it's a real time-Hoover: I sit down to look at "just one" programme. Three hours later, I'm yawning and looking at the clock and, good grief, where did the night go?

That's not the only reason I should stop watching so much TV, though. I should stop watching because, over and over again, it drives home the point that I'm just a completely inferior person.

Have you noticed that:

• In shows that contain "scientist" characters, that character knows how to do everything even remotely scientific from conducting an autopsy to building a nuclear bomb. Where did they find the time to learn all these different disciplines? I've spent more than 20 years in IT and still only have a couple of closely-related specialist skill areas. A subspecies of this character-type is the Computer Geek who can access any computer system anywhere, regardless of what security the system has and can also do miracles of image-enhancement, face recognition etc. Yeah, right! And uploading a virus onto an alien spaceship a la Independence Day, don't get me started on that one!

• Everybody knows martial arts. This certainly seems to apply to all criminal characters (except maybe the 90-odd year-old Mafia Don, but even he can surprise you). It definitely applies to shows with supernatural or superhero characters. It used to annoy me in, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when a character became a vampire, they suddenly acquired all these fighting skills, regardless of what their physical condition had been before the change. No years sweating it out at the local Karate club for them!

• Everybody seems to be a superhero, a secret agent, a demon/angel or a combination of all three (hmm, maybe there's room in the schedules for a demon who works as an agent of the FBI by day and solves crimes in a daft costume by night... ach, maybe not). Assuming they're not a scientist, that is.

My school just did not equip me for this kind of world. Where were the classes in hacking and Bomb disposal? An O-Level in Geography just isn't going to cut it when the zombies come.

To be fair we did have a fairly vigourous Arson programme (several bits of the school have been burnt to the ground over the years).

I have two choices here: enrol in whatever Academy teaches the accelerated learning programme to make me a multi-disciplinary scientist/Geek (at the same time whipping by body into shape with some intensive martial arts training)


Just stop watching so much TV.


  1. *gasp!..... Stop watching t.v!!!????.. nnoooooooooooooo.... I take it you've just finished watching Torchwood? Sure, they're all brilliant, naturally and actually real! I saw the old bloke down the local centra shop here in his floor length black leather coat, he couldn't make up his mind if he wanted skimmed or full fat milk, which was strange, because he was looking at the cheese section... These people might be wonder humans at computers science and physical combat, but can they decipher the subtle..but very important, difference between the dairy groups?.... i think not! In matters of daily living, we lesser mortals have the edge! :-)

  2. Aaah, cheese, the achilles heel of many a superhero. I often flirt with the idea of serving divorce papers on the old google box, but we both know it's never going to happen. I have indeed watched Torchwood and thought it was the best-written one so far. If only it had always been that good.

  3. yep!.. In total agreement there... mini series are the way forward I reckon! That and a nice hunk of gruyerre......mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  4. I think your first comment about the scientists is about NCIS? If not, take a tip from me and never ever watch it. I hate it and yet I keep watching it. It is repeated on 3 different channels daily here. Just shoot me. Oh no, wait - thats the name of another show I hate yet watch! Yes, please shhot me.

    But watch what you say about Buffy and the ginger bird she hangs out with. They can do no wrong in my book. I just wish their lawyers would stop serving restraining orders on me.

  5. @Dave - don't get me wrong, I LOVED Buffy et al (my other half also lusted after the ginger one. I was more a Spike kind of a person, myself mmm!). Stargate SG-1 used to make me laugh, the way they would connect an ordinary laptop to some ancient device left behind from thousands of years ago. I know the U in USB stands for Universal but sheesh!

  6. To be fair to Buffy they did use to make a joke about the sudden aquirement of karate skills, but i know where you're coming from:

    The thing that annoyed me about Torchwood, aside from the techno-gubbins ending was yet again we have a situation where thousands upon thousands of people obey their orders to do something nasty without questioning - surely even a few would start fighting back or word would get out?

  7. Perhaps there is an 0800 hotline for goons?


Without your comments, I am but a wave without a shore...